Beyond this point:

1.  Anything goes 

2.  Nothing is sacred

3.  Puns run rampant







If you are easily offended, please click the back button on your browser now.







You have been warned.



     I started to organize these by category, then quickly discovered that there were a number of lines that fit in more than one category, so I went back to the old-fashioned alphabetical list.  Perhaps someday I'll organize them, but for now they are here so they don't get lost again.  The first batch is the list in the raw; some of these will only make sense to those who remember BBSs, the 300 - 2400 baud modems, and the trials and tribulations of sending and receiving mail packets on FIDOnet.  The First List is on this page.

     The second batch is the list I use now.  It's on a separate page >HERE<.  

     Oh, and -- yes -- I have used each of these at *least* once.

     One of my very favorite taglines tops the list.


-| A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | Y | ! | Tull Tags* | The Current List|-



"                      " --Harpo Marx

(Yes.  There's absolutely nothing between the quotation marks.  Harpo was the Silent Marx brother, who relied on pantomime and old car horns to convey what was going on.  Played one helluva a harp.  Harpo never spoke in any Marx Brothers' movie.)



2's company, 3's an orgy, 4's a poker game, 5's an orgy.

"16 Hawaiian Love Songs" by Kamanawanaleha - Now on CD!

500,000,000 sperm to chose from, & you were the fastest?

100% of people who breathe die.


A                                       Back To Top

(A)bort (R)etry (B)ounce cat on keyboard

(A)bort (R)etry (I)nfluence with large hammer.

A cat by any other name is still a sneaky little furball.

A cat's worst enemy is a closed door.

A cat without a hairball gland ... is only half a cat!

Acme Corp: Unlimited credit for disadvantaged coyotes

A cross? Oy, veh. Have *you* got the wrong vampire.

A day without sunshine is like ... normal in Seattle.

A dog sees God in his owner. A cat looks in the mirror.

A .44 Magnum beats ANY number of Aces....

Aging disgracefully . . . and proud of it. --KZOK FM

A half hour of begging does *NOT* constitute as foreplay.

Ah has spoken! --M. Yokum

All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here.

All Scottish food is based on a dare.

All stressed out, and no one to choke.

A man's place is in the bedroom.

America takes drugs in psychic defense --Iggy Pop

A mighty oak results from a nut that held its ground.

A mind is a terrible thing to. . . OOOOH! Mail packets!

Ancestors not found ... do I really exist?

And all I can say, now, is ain't it a shame.

...And I didn't even *have* a little dog Toto.

...and from the basement, he conducts the overture.

And NOW for something COMPLETELY different. . . !

And Satan said to God, "But where will YOU get a lawyer?"

And then a step to the ri-i-i-i-i-ight!

"and ye shall throw money at the problem"-Government 19:3

An it harm none, do as ye will.

Anyone willing to work at it has potential as a writer.mb

Apathists of the world . . . ah, forget it.

A pessimist is an optimist with experience.

Arble barble gleep!

Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?

...a replica of the Taj Mahal, made entirely of margarine

Are the voices in my head bothering you?

"Are you stoned or stupid?" "Stoned, what's your excuse?"

Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?

Are you sure it isn't time for a colorful metaphor?

Are you sure? (Y)es (N)o (W)hat was the question?

"Are you sure your sanity chip is fully in?" --Kryten

"Are you the police?"   "No ma'am, we're musicians."

A Road-kill cook is a Manifold Chef.

As breathing is my life, I dare not dare to stop.-JLennon

Ascii me no questions... --M. Warner

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI. --H.Mayo

Ashington: The Ever Grey State.

A SOCIAL LIFE? What board can I download THAT from?

Asphalt = Proctologist's malpractice insurance

As popular as a pay toilet in a diarrhea ward.

Asps; very bad. You go first. --Sallah

at began: Once upon a Mobius strip, there was a story th

Atheists have no one to talk to at orgasm.


B                                       Back To Top

Back up my hard drive? I can't find the reverse switch!

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

Bad or missing mouse - boot the Cat (Y/n)?

Bad spellers of the world YOOKNIGHT!

Be careful what you wish for; you might get it. --Uhura

Been there, did that again <just to check>. --C.McKee

Been there, done that, dust with the T-shirt.

Better living through alchemy.

Better to be judged by twelve, than carried by six.

Beulah! Peel me a grape. --Mae West

Blind people don't Bungee jump; it scares the dog.

BOEING Bits Of Engine In Numerous Gardens

Boldly going forward because we can't find reverse!

Borgasm: The ecstasy felt while being assimilated...

"Bother," said Pooh as he fed his dog...to his cat.

"Bother," said Pooh as he flipped to full auto.

Brunette Mating Call: Have the Blonde & the Redhead left?

Bullwinkle was just caught moose-turbating. --C.Thames

But he has such *good* ideas!

But then, this and a buck-fifty will buy you a latte. -bj

By the way: The lab called--your brain's ready.


C                                       Back To Top

Cab drivers do it by the hour.

Cab drivers do it by the mile.

Cab drivers do it for 12 hours.

Cab drivers do it in the road.

Call me insane one more time and I'll eat your other eye.

Call me that again, and I'll stick pins in your doll.

Canada: C eh N eh D eh

CanaDOS: Yer sure, eh? (B)eauty! (N)o way! (T)ake off!

CAT.COM started. Computer will hack furball in 5 seconds.

Cats: God's way of telling you your furniture is too nice

Cat toys: Anything not nailed down, and some that are.

CAUTION!!! Do NOT look at laser with remaining eye.

CCITT - Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today

Celibacy is NOT hereditary.

Celebrate the Seattle Rain Festival - July 1 thru June 30

"Certe, Toto, sentio nos in Kansate nin iam adesse."

Change is inevitable -- except from a vending machine.

Chernobyl used Microsoft Windows. Look where it got THEM.

Chicken flyin' everywhere around the plane. . .

Children: Automatic Irritation Systems

Chipmunks roasting on a open fire ...


Click ... click ... click ... damn, out of taglines!

Coffee: a legal drug addiction with free refills!


Converted cannibal: On Fridays, he eats only fisherman.

Copywight 1995 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. Hehehe

CORN?! We've been waiting hundreds of years this! --Fire Sign Theater


D (28)                                     Back To Top

DalekDOS: (S)eek (L)ocate (E)xterminate!!!

Deck us all with Boston Charlie.

DEJAFU-A feeling that things have been this FU'ed before.

DELTA Don't Ever Leave The Airport

Democracy: 3 wolves & a sheep voting on what's for lunch.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Did I not meet you in some other hallucination?

Ding dong, the witch is dead.

Disk Failure: (C)old boot (W)arm boot (S)teel-toed boot ?

"`Ditto', you Provincial pest?" --Headly Lamarr

Do not disturb. Already disturbed enough.

Don'sweat the lil'petty things; pet the lil'sweaty things

*DON'T* call me `Tiny' --Sulu

Don't come to Seattle, the sun don't shine up here.-B.B.

Don't dream it, be it! --F.N. Furter

Don't get drunk and shoot at the tax man - you might miss

Don't give *me* that kinkier than thou look.

Don't need a new religion, haven't used up the old one.

Don't stand between the dog and the fire hydrant.

Don't those I-love-me jackets come in anything but white?

Do, or do not. There is no try. --Yoda

Do what you need to make you feel better. --A. Parsons

Do what you want to the girl, but leave me alone!

Druids are a non-prophet organization!

Drunks start fights. Potheads laugh about them.

Dumb luck beats sound planning every time. Trust me.

Dyslexic State Trooper spends all night handing out IUDs.

"d'yu Hey, Cheech! Show me a trick." "GOOMPH!!" "*!*"


E                                      Back To Top

Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jets.

ebius tagline. This is a moebius tagline. This is a mo

...equal opportunity heretic.


Error level 001 from COSMOS.CFG. Reboot Universe? (Y/N)

Error message: Like, dude, something went wrong.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas

Even Paradise has its ants. --C.McKee

Everybody! "He's a lumberjack and he's okay...."

Everybody is strange. Some of us are proud of it. --kw

Everybody know there is a no Sanity Clause! --Chico Marx

Every dog has its day, but the night belongs to us cats!

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Every novel sounds stupid when boiled down to 5 pages.-pw

Everyone has a photographic memory; some don't have film.

Explain counter-clockwise to someone with a digital watch

Eye of newt ... toe of frog ... [CENSORED!] of Barney ...


F                                      Back To Top

Failure reading left brain. (A)bort (R)etry (F)rolic?

Faux pas: n. those things at the ends of a cat's legs.

Ferrets: Chaos theory with fur, claws, and a slight odor.

Fifty years for movies to go from silent to unspeakable.

Filing cabinet: a place things get lost alphabetically.

Fire all of your guns at once and explode into space.

First listen to sermon, THEN eat missionary.

"Fishing, stranger?"      "Nope, just drowning worms."

"FIVE is right out..." --M.Python

Flamers have uncontrollable vowel movements.

Flap-doodle, flap-doodle, kitty-kitty cow-cow.

For sale: Iraqi AK-47, never fired, dropped once.

Found: Weird tagline. Call with description to claim.

Friends don't let friends drive Chevies.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies

Frisbetarian-After death your soul gets stuck on the roof

"From famine to feast and back to famine again" -Skywise

Furball encountered in drive C: (A)bort (R)etry (P)et


G                                      Back To Top

Genealogy without documentation is _mythology_.

Gene pool - CAUTION! No lifeguard on duty.

Genitalia is NOT an Italian airline.

Get a taste of religion ... Lick a witch!

Get your motor runnin'. Head out on the highway.

Give to the Verbal Diarrhea Fund. It CAN be stopped!

Go ahead and jump - 30,000 lemmings can't be wrong!

Go hence, and sin more creatively next time.

"God is Dead" - Nietzsche     "Nietzsche is dead" - God

Gonna find my inner child & kick its little ass. J. Walsh

Good frame of mind, but no picture.

Goodness has nuthin' to do with it, Dearie. --M. West

Good nyborg, man.

"Gore Thunderbird for Vidal wine." --R. Williams

Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer.

Graduate of Darth Vader School of Personnel Management.

Graduate of the Uncle Fester School of Party Etiquette.

Graduate, Yoda school of English, I am.

Grow your own dope. Plant a politician.


H                                      Back To Top

Happiness is a functional twit filter. --J. McNeill

::Happy Dance::Happy Dance::Happy Dance::Happy Dance::

Have Liszt; gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet when baroque.

Have I found God...?  Why?  Have you lost her again?

Heavily armed, easily bored, and off my medication...--SS

He is YOUR God, they are YOUR rules, YOU burn in hell!

Here's a sight to make you drool, 7 virgins and a mule...

He's been described as 'pussy whipped'. How is this done?

He's got a point - bless his little head.

He thinks too much. Such men are dangerous. --Shakespeare

He who dies with the most TAGLINES wins!

"Hex Dump" - Where witches put used curses.

Hi, I'm a tagline. When I grow up I'm gonna be a novel!

Hi, I'm from the Government. I'm here to help you.

HOME: Clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.

Honk if you like obscene gestures.

Houston, we have a problem here ...

"How can I prove I'm mortal?" --Q          "Die." --Worf

How he got in my pajamas, I'll *never* know! - G.Marx

How many Zen Masters does it take a light bulb to change?

Hugs...one size fits all, and they're easy to exchange.

Human: Useful domestic animal popular with cats.

Humpty Dumpty was pushed.


I                                      Back To Top

I am Dyslexia of Borg, Prepare to have your ass laminated

I am Foofoo of Borg, prepare to be bop...er, assimilated.

I am McGarrett of Borg. Assimilate 'em, Danno!

I AM waving all my fingers. Some are folded for stability

I believe in original sin--the more original, the better!

I can remember doing the Time Warp [*kick*kick*]

I can't even *find* amok, let alone run one!

I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet.

I come from a long line of bootleggers and horse thieves.

I could keep an angered Bard in bed and board for life.

I could show you my favorite obsession.

I died--but I got better.

I'd free my mind, but then it might not come back.

I'd love to, but I'm teaching my Parrot to yodel.

I'd love to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I DO have a clue; wait while I remember where I put it...

I don't know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.

"I drank WHAT!?" --Socrates

I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass--

If at first you don't succeed, del *.* and forget it!

If at first you don't succeed - to hell with it.

I feed them to the fish and watch them swim sideways --RW

I fell asleep on the cab stand of life.

If God took acid, would He see people?

If he were dying, he wouldn't bother to carve "ARGH!"

If it makes sense, expect the Government *not* to do it.

If it's built after 1973, it ain't a Mustang!

If it's Tourist Season why can't we shoot'em???

If it walks out of your refrigerator, LET IT GO!!

If it works, rip it apart and find out why! --E.Weems

"If I were any closer, I'd be behind you." -- G. Marx

If I were a slug, I'd be gooing places.

If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, who'd make the sound?

If rules were logical, *men* would ride side-saddle.

If the whole world IS out to get you, it's not paranoia.

If they were *real* psychics, they'd call me.

If this were an actual tagline, it would be funny.

If today was a fish, I'd have it bronzed!

If today was a fish, I'd throw it back.

If you buttered a cat's back, what side would it land on?

If you don't do what you want to, you'll get sick. --Mom

If you don't like my mood, wait five minutes.

If you don't like the weather, wait, it'll change.

If you don't move your vowels, you get consonated.

If your attack is going really well--it's an ambush.

If you're happy and you know it, clank your chains.

If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast...

If you were any weirder, you'd be a Canadian --L.Campbell

I get a headache trying to think down to your level.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

I had my car's alignment checked... it's Chaotic Evil.

I have a collect call for anyone in this dimension ...

I have a firm grip on reality - Now I can strangle it!

I have a mind like a steel swiss cheese!

I have an open mind: My brains keep falling out!

I have thought and smoked on the matter --Old Lodgeskins

I just injured a groin muscle, good thing it wasn't mine.

I just washed my fingers and can't do a thing with them.

I left my tart in Aunt Fran's Crisco.

I like free. I can almost afford it. --M. Tauson

I'll get you, my little G.I.! --H. Hannah

I'll have my cream in a *chilled* saucer, if you please.

I'll keep an eye peeled. riiiiiiiip         ... ow ...

I love working on computers... hand me the axe, please.

I'm allergic to Mondays.

I'm a wild and a untamed thing!

I'm completely sane, ALL my inner voices tell me so!

I'm currently experiencing synaptic core breach.

I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it?

I'm livin' for givin' the Devil his due! --B.O.C.

I'm locked inside a chocolate factory... DON'T send help!

I'm meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelting!

I'm not dead. I'm electroencephelographically challenged.

I'm not loafing; I'm doing research on inertia.

I'm not so think as you stoned I am.

I'm not stressed, you're just very annoying!

I'm so poor, I can't even pay attention.


I'm the slime oozin' out from your TV set. --F. Zappa

I'm tired of bouncing back. It's somebody else's turn.

I'm traveling down the road & I'm flirtin with disaster.

In 10,000 years, no one has ever died from marijuana.

In Canada there is another word for Sushi--BAIT!

Inhale, Willie, inhale!

"Insanity is just a state of mind." --Hawkeye Pierce

In the dead of night, love bites.

In Time. Per mare per terras. Fraoch Eilean!

I pick my nose in your general direction!

I remember doing the time warp ...

"I said a BUD light!" --Joan of Arc

Is it ignorance or apathy? I don't know and don't care.

I sit on the floor & pick my nose & think of dirty things

Is that a European swallow, or African swallow?

Is that your Tagline or did your mailreader throw up?

Is there a lawyer in the house? <BLAM!> Is there another?

It isn't paranoia if they really are out to get you.

I think I'll try that new Zima. Hhmm... tastes like zhit.

I think it's your mind.

It's a fine line between fishing & standing still.

It's a full moon and I have church! Must I spell it out?

"It's a kimchee pot! FRANK! Ya struck COLESLAW!"-B.Pierce

It's always something. --R. Roseannadanna

It's a man! A man made out of tin!!

It's Ensign Extra. He's toast, Jim.

It's gonna be Monday aaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllll week!

"It's in the basement. I'll go upstairs and look."-escher

It's just a jump to the left. . .

It's not that I *mind* being chained in the basement...

It's not the men in my life, it's the life in my men.

It's not the years, it's the mileage.

It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a hobby ...

It's so dreamy. Oh, fantasy free me! --Magenta

It wants to know what we has on our hardriveses, Precious

It was 2am, it was Seattle . . . and I was grungy.

I've been chasing dreams for so long... --I.Cara

I've finally reached bottom! What's that sulfur smell?

I was *hibernating*! Don't you know how to take a pulse?

I willed my body to science.  They contested the will.

I wish life had a scroll-back buffer.....

I wouldn't pee in his ear if his brain was on fire.


J                                      Back To Top

Jeffery Dahmer to Lorena Bobbitt: "You gonna eat that?"

Jesus loves you --but, then again, so does Barney!

"Jim, you adolescent twit!" --George Willard

Judging from the taste, I'd say the other one is shinola.

Jumbo shrimp.  Isn't that a contradiction?

Just another square peg in a round hole society -lmp

Just because it's impossible is no reason not to do it.

Just hand over the chocolate, and nobody gets hurt.

Just how much whiz is in Cheese Whiz?

Just wait til he puts on his headphones. --F.F. Cat



Keep the rubber side down.

Klahowya! Kahta mika, elip ats?

Klahowya! Kahta mika, sihks?

Klingon Prompt: Strike any user when ready.


L                                      Back To Top

Lad, I do'know where ye bin, but I see ye won 1st prize!

Ladies say "I'm sorry, Dear"; Lauries say "Get over it!"

Last weke I kud not spel cabbdriever. Now I yam wun.

Legalize ALL drugs and end the violence!

Let's all go to the Magician's birthday! --Uriah Heep

Let's do the Time Warp again.

Life: a roller coaster designed by a sadist.

Life's a bitch -- but some of the puppies are cute.

Living life in ten minute chunks. . . --lmp

Lost on the M.C. Escher Memorial Interchange.

LSD: Virtual Reality without all the expensive hardware!


M                                      Back To Top

Mae West is my role model.

Mae West -- she's my hero!

"Mary, YOU'RE WHAT!?...OK, I've got an idea..." --Joseph

Mashed potatoes can be your friend. --W.A. Yankovich

"MEOW"...splat..."RUFF"...splat...(raining cats & dogs)

Michael Rennie was ill the day the earth stood still ...

Mind you, moose bites can be quite nasty. --M. Python

Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting!

Moosehead: Great beer, and a new experience for the moose

Mother's milk leads to *everything*!  --G. Carlin

Mouseketeer roll call: Sound off now!

_'M ST_P_D                  "Pat, I'd like to buy an O."

Mulder: FBI! Drop the sword, Macleod, I have questions...

Must go - have to rub some lard on the cat's boil!!

My biological pencil is running out of lead.

My, but you look kempt, ruly, and shevelled today!-Thames

My family coat of arms ties in the back...is that normal?

My family tree has dry rot.

My family tree has Dutch Elm Disease.

My hard drive has a furball, my cat has bad sectors.

My house is a mess but my Hard Drive isn't!

My inner child is now on a milk carton.

My kid brother is the white sheep of the family.

My last brain cell died this morning--of loneliness.

My mind's like a blotter: soaks it up; gets it backwards.

My mind's like a steel trap: rusty & illegal in 19 states

My other car is a splif.

My OTHER personality is perfectly well-adjusted.

My poor mouse... It only has one ball. -ms

My reality check just bounced.

My .REP packet...? The dog ate it -- really!

My tongue is asleep ... and my teeth itch.

My train of thought derailed.


N                                      Back To Top

NativeWet-coasters can identify & name 47 shades of grey.

Next stop, the Twilight Zone! --R. Serling

NEW from Ralston Purina: Newby-flavored Bard Chow

Nice boy, but he's got more nerve than a bum tooth

Nice boy, but about as sharp as 5 pounds of wet leather.

Nightmare: Cats with opposable thumbs.

No mistakes today = New and better mistakes tomorrow.

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

"Not bad for an amphibian."--Kermit, Muppet Treasure Is.

Nothing a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster won't cure!

Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up.

Nothing wrong that reincarnation won't cure.

No WANNA learn nother language; 'nuff trouble wid dis 1!



Oak and Ash and Thorn, all on a mid-summer morn!

Of all I've lost, I miss my mind the most!

Of COURSE I did, you nobhead, I'm a soldier! --l.lamour

Of course, organizing writers is like herding cats.

Okay, who let the sane people in? --C. Chittom

Okay, who put the "Stop Payment" on my reality check?

On a clear disk you can seek forever

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish....--Dr. S

One sandwich short of a picnic.

Only those who attempt the absurd achieve the impossible.

Operator Error. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

Operator! Trace this call and tell me where I am.

Other than that, Mrs. Kennedy, how was the parade?

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

Other than that, Yoko, how do you like New York?

Oz!? No - Aahz. No relation.

P                                      Back To Top

Pardon me boys, is that the cat that chewed my new shoes?

Pardon me. Have you any Muy Blastido?

`Patience' my achin hem'rhoids, I'm gonna go kill sumpin!

"Patience" my ass, I'm gonna go kill something!

PC 31 said "We caught a dirty one . . ."

Peed skills! ...er, no... Pill skeeds! --F. Freddy

People like that are the reason we have middle fingers.

People like you are the reason we have middle fingers.

PEPPAN is just an American-mangle-isation of PEPIN

Peter Pan's gots kids?

PhD = Piled high and Deep. - K. Rhodes

Picture - if you will . . .

Pieces of seven! Pieces of seven! Parroty error detected.

Pie Jesu Domine, dona eis requiem (THWACK). --M.Python

Pi R squared? No, Pi R round. Brownies R squared.

Pi R squared? No, Pi R round. Cornbread R squared.

Played poker with Tarot. Got a Flush. Five people died.

Politics are silly; politicians even sillier.

Popping pop corn and looking for a comfy chair.

Pornography is in the eye of the bowlder.

Pornography? Nah! Haven't you ever seen 5 people in love?

Preserve *your* right to arm bears!

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit

"Press to test." <click> "Release to detonate."

Proofread carefully to make sure you don't any words out.


Psst. Hey, kid! Wanna try a BBS? First time's free.

Psst! Your .ZIP file is open.

Public hysteria is no substitute for the facts. --Hossie


Pull the other one!

Putt knot yore faith in spilling checquers --Fang



Quoth the Raven, "Eat my shorts!" -- B. Simpson


R                                      Back To Top

Race Car spelled backwards is Race Car.

RAM DISK is NOT an installation procedure!

Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

Reality crept in and I nailed it for trespassing!

Reality-ometer:  [\........]    Hmmph! Thought so...

Red light; STOP! --Batty Coda

Remember when a hard drive was a long trip by automobile.

Remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty?

Reports of my sanity have been greatly exaggerated.

Reunite Gondwanaland!

Road Kill Cafe: Identify it and you can eat it FREE!

Room service-Send cherries, whipped cream & a silk scarf.


S                                      Back To Top

Sale: Parachute, used once, never opened, small stain

Save it for a rainy day. (Oh, look, clouds.)

Save the Easily Offended -- Ban Everything!

Save your breath for your inflatable date.

Say it with flowers -- Send a Triffid.

"Schizophrenic?" No, we prefer the word "Imaginative".

"Schizophrenic?" No, we prefer the word "multi-facetted".

Scotsmen wear kilts because sheep can hear zippers.

SEATTLE: A NW Indian word meaning 55 degrees and raining.

Seattle drivers brake for slugs.

Seattle: Home of the Latte Lemming

Seattlites don't tan - we rust!

Seen God? Sure--sat 'tween him an' Elvis on the UFO!

Senseless Massacre and Carnage?!? Where do I sign up?!?

Sex and drugs and rock and roll!

Sex is one of the nicest things you can do for your body.

SEX: ( )Male ( )Female (*) Yes

She has the attention span of a turnip...

She turned me into a newt!

She wrote a long letter on a short piece of paper.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Since you're not using your brain, may I play with it?

SLEDGE-O-MATIC: For life's most difficult problems.

Sleep: The Karmic Payback for inadequate caffeine intake.

Smith & Wesson--the ORIGINAL point-and-click interface!

So dumb they couldn't drive a nail in a snowbank...--S.S.

Some days the muse sings, others she coughs up hairballs.

Some mornings it's not worth gnawing through the rope.

Some of this - some of that - cook til done.

Someone named Abbey...Abbey Normal. --Igor

Some suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

Sometimes you're the bug, sometimes you're the windshield

Sorry about the crayon. I can't have any sharp objects.

"... sorry I missed you" he said, reloading.

So simple, even a cab driver could do it.

So, THAT'S how the footprints got in the Jello!

Spike Jones is murdering the classics.

Stealing taglines, eh? Book'em, Dano. "Grand Theft Motto"

Stealth Condoms: They'll never know when you're coming.

Stop screaming or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

"Stop that, son. You'll go blind."  "I'm over here, Dad."

Strange are the workings of my subconscious --M.Bottorff

STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park somewhere else!

Stupid people shouldn't breed.

Submissions: 3, Rejections: 2

Sure, it's clean laundry. The cat's on it, isn't she?

Sure, when-- OINK FLAP OINK FLAP ... Well, I'll be....

Sure, when... OINK FLAP OINK FLAP... Well I'll be damned!

Surprise the elderly. Wax the stairs.


T                                      Back To Top

Tact: How you made the poster stay on the wall.

Taglines: The Bumper Stickers of the 90's!

Take the world in a lovin' embrace.

'Tater juice -- the breakfast of cab drivers!

Thank you * Thank you * Thank you * Thank you * Thank you

That's beside the point, but, then, so are his ears...

That's enough to irritate the Good Humor man.

That's enough to piss-off the Good Humor man.

That's the trouble with bein' a hermit, y'feel so cutoff.

That's worse than a poke in the stick with a sharp eye!

That was then, I'm out of now. --Ma Gumbie

That which does not kill me makes me stronger.

The ancestors you can find aren't yours.

The beauty of the pun is in the "aaiiee" of the beholder.

The boneless chicken ranch.

The Comma Sutra -- the guide to Grammatic Satisfaction.

The covers of some books are too far apart.

The day is okay, and the sun can be fun ... --BOC

The dreams you'd hear if the streets could talk.

The first time I had sex, I was all alone and scared.

The four basic food groups: Spam, spam, eggs, and spam.

The fragrance of Afghanistan rewards a long day's toil.

The geoduck is the Washington state bird.

The Gods *do* have a sense of humor; example-the platypus

the grey shadowcat, scratcher in sand

The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.

The Law of Maximum Inconvenience is always operational.

The lions were under-fed.

The lunatics have taken charge of the asylum. --rr

The names have been changed to protect the guilty ...

Then, something went wrong for Fay Wray and King Kong ...

The only time I get to open my mouth is to change feet.

The peasants are revolting! And they're pissed off, too.

The pen is the tongue of the mind.

The polls show 8 out of 5 schizophrenics agree.

The rain insane falls mainly on the brain. --B.Jernigan

Therapy helps, but screaming obscenities is cheaper. --KS

There are few things better than being owned by a cat!

There are gems and jerks in any walk of life. --K. Rhodes

There are normal outpatients & there are writers. --NYT

There can't be a crisis today; my schedule's already full

There's a fine line between creative genius and insanity.

The sex was so good, even the neighbors lit cigarettes.

The shortest distance between 2 points is off the wall.

The square root of 69 is ate something.

The Sun! That big bright nasty thing up there is the Sun.

The wages of sin are Death, but the work's pretty good!

They're coming to take me away, ah ha, oh ho, hee hee!

"They talk of my drinking, never my thirst."-Scot proverb

They tap-dance not, but neither do they fart.

Things you never hear people say: Hand me that piano.

Things you never hear people say: Please saw my legs off.

Think hard now. Which one is Shinola?

"This is Gore Vidal for Thunderbird wine." --R. Williams

This is just a fignewton of your immigration.

This is weird. Very weird. I like it! --S. Skelly

This message will self destruct in 5 seconds ... four ...

This new dance -- The Mud Shark -- is sweeping the ocean!

This tagline is umop apisdn

Thou shalt know the truth, and it shall make thee freake.

To be, or-- Damn! --R. Williams

To boldly go where no sane person has any business...

To cats and children, "No" means "Not while I'm looking."

Today's breakfast special at the RoadKill Cafe: Flapcats

Today's special at the Roadkill Cafe: Shepherd Surprise

To hell with user friendly. Will it keep beer cold? --MN

Tongue prints are as unique as finger prints.

"Tonto, we're surrounded by Indians." "What you mean we?"

"Too much of a good thing is wonderful." --Mae West

To poldly bow air mobius gumby four. --Trek on Novocaine.

To steal this tagline press <Ctl> <Alt> <Del> now.

To tell the sex of a chromosome, pull down its genes.

To the best of our knowledge, we are not schizophrenic.

To the British, George Washington was a terrorist.

To the south lies The Mountain, a glory to behold. --B.B.

Turn your head to the left and cough, please.

Twit hunting keeps us young and full of vigor. --Hossie

Two maggots were fighting in dead Earnest.


U                                        Back To Top

Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted!

Unless you are hemorrhoids, get off my ass!

Unzip, expand, explode! What pervert came up with this!?

URA redneck if the family business requires a lookout.

Used to have a handle on life, but recently it fell off.


Vanity plates: Taglines for cars.

VATICAN.COM ERROR (C)onfess (R)epent (B)urn

Vegetarians eat vegetables; beware of humanitarians!

Veni vidi :::snarf:::

Veni vidi snarfus

Voodoo acupuncture: You don't have to go. --Wright


W                                      Back To Top

Wagner's music is better than it sounds. --M. Twain

Waiting for the electrician or someone like him. --FST

Wanna get *really* stoned? Drink wet cement.

WARNING... Drinking tap water may kill your thirst!

!WARNING! ::Tagline Thief alert:: !WARNING!

Warped minds *DO* think alike.

Warriors only kill you; Bards tell about it...forever!!!

Watch the short jokes or I'll bite you on the ankle!

We all live in a yellow subroutine.

We are the results of the joys & sorrows of our ancestors

WEEN-dows?? We don't need no steenkeeng Weendows!!

We got rid of the kid . . . the Cat was allergic.

We have assumed control ... we have assumed control ...

We're all here because we're not all there . . .

We shall live again.

Whadda we do now, Pierre? Th'Mounties have us surrounded.

Whadda ya think this is - K-mart? --Ivy

What a long, strange trip it's been... --J. Garcia

What are you doing? The message is over, GO AWAY!

What color is a chameleon on a mirror?

What did I get on the IQ test . . . ? Drool.

What do we do next, Doctor?

What do you mean this message isn't anonymous?

What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.

What has four legs and an arm ... ? A happy rottweiler.

What if only SOME of my personalities plead insane?

What kind of girl do you think we are?

What's that? Oh no, not *another* brick wall!

What's the matter, Columbia, you've eaten Eddie before.

What's the point spread on WWIII? --R.Reagan

"What's this?" ::CRASH:: "Hope it wasn't expensive ..."

When an agnostic dies, he goes to the Great Perhaps?

When in doubt. . . ? Mumble.

When in doubt, WASH! --feline maxim

When I want your opinion, I'll read your entrails.

When I woke up I was eating goatmilk cheese & limabeans.

When mating is outlawed, only outlaws will mate --Outlaw

When Satan plays records backwards, he hears Yoko.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

When we listen to Palyatchee, we get itchy & scratchy...

When writing is outlawed, only outlaws will be writers!

When you've got them by the balls, heart & mind follows!

Which one of my enemies told you that?

Whipped cream -- it's not *just* for dessert!

Whoever decided to limit taglines to one line can kiss my

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why doesn't this magnet pick up floppy disks?

Why don't come up some time and ... see me? --Mae West

Why do they have braille on drive-up AMTs?

Why is it turbulence rhymes with ambulance? --L.Cambell

Why should I add to my troubles by facing reality?

Wicker Box: What Elmer Fudd wants to do to Snow White.

Wishing one and all a green and leafy Christmas!

With all the raw cunning and intelligence of a grapefruit

Without sleep, life would be just another day.

Wreck the Malls with Cows on Harleys, falalalala,lalalala

Writers' Blessing: Metaphors be with you. --SD Gause

Writers do it everywhere.


Y                                      Back To Top

Yes, you are being difficult, but I appreciate perversity

You ain't seen nuthin' yet, b-b-b-baby.

You and me against the world? Great! When do we attack?

You can *never* have too many backup copies.

You don't want to know where I punch ...

You have this animal magnetism--you attract animals.

You in the back row. Stop laughing or leave the room.

You in the red shirt--check out that noise! --J.T. Kirk

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it. --H.C.H.

Young man, give me that knife. --Sister M. Elephant

Your e-mail has been returned for insufficient voltage.

Your Honor, I wish to plead permanent insanity.

You're twisted, perverted, and sick. I like that.

"You're only as old as the women you feel." - G. Marx

Your proctologist called. He found your head.

You say Goodbye, and I say Hello! Hello, hello. . .

You see me now a veteran of a thousand psychic wars.

"You should have been there" --Dr. Winston O'Boogie

You've got a point -- bless your little head!

You *will* get what's coming to you...unless it's mailed!


!                                       Back To Top

!neercs eht fo edis gnorw eht no er'uoy ,siht ees uoy fI

!enif tsuj si gnihtyrevE


TULL TAGS                       Back To Top

The musical group Jethro Tull is one of my favorites, thus I have a few select lines from a great many songs.  All the taglines that follow are the intellectual; property of Ian Anderson and/or Jethro Tull.


Ale spew puddle brew, boys, throw it up clean...

All truths to light, all crosses nailed.

And I live down the end of your road.

"And the Mouse Police never sleeps. . ." --I.Anderson

And the prompter in his corner is sorry that he came.

Ask the Green Man where he comes from ... I. Anderson

A stitch in time saves 9, said Cock Robin from the wall.

Brave the man who sets his course for Albion.

Bring me my broadsword and clear understanding.

But what the hell, we didn't even pass an audition.

Christmas Spirit is ... not what you drink. --I.Anderson

Do I seem to remember now, 2 creatures about 8' tall?

Do you still remember December's foggy freeze ... ?

Everybody's jumping on the circus train.

Follow white flecked spindrift; float on a moonkissed sea

Go down on velvet green with a country man -- I. Anderson

Greetings! Well met, fellow. Hail! -- I. Anderson

Have you ever loved a lover of the old elastic truth?

He's watching me watching you watching him watching me.

He was dropped on his head when he was quite small ...

How did the conversation get to where we came to blows?

How many cigarettes did I bring along? -Ian Anderson

I, for one, would rather follow softer options.

If you wear a warmer sporran, you can keep the foe at bay

In high-rise city canyons dwells the discontent of ages.

I see a dark sail on the horizon.

I tried to catch my eye but I looked the other way ...

It's not the gun that kills but the man behind.

I've been warned that you and your friends are crazy

I wish I had an eagle like you --- to look up to.

Let's break the journey now on some lonely road.

Meanwhile back in the Year One. . .

My brain is tired and my feet are numb-- I. Anderson

My dreams are for dreaming and best left that way...

My word's but a whisper, your deafness, a shout.

Never caught us - and never will. I. Anderson

Now is the Solstice of the Year ...

Now they've re-possessed the Rolls Royce and the mink.

Often heard but seldom seen.

Oh, the times are hard and the credit's lean...

Play it out gladly, for your card's marked again.

Pulling roses & daffodils--mayhem in the high degree!

Really don't mind if you sit this one out. - I. Anderson

Roll us both down a mountain & I'm sure the fat man'd win

Running on the power of a stolen mandolin. --I Anderson

Say "Jack Frost and the Hooded Crow"!

Shout, but you see it still won't do.

Shout, if you will, but that just won't do.

Sit down as strangers will, let the stress unload.

Somebody wake me. I've been sleeping too long.

Songs from the wood make you feel much better--I.Anderson

Stare that beastie in the face and really give him hell.

Talk in confidential terms, share a dark unspoken fear.

There was a warm wind with the high tide...

The town was filled with smoke and hate.

They call it Stormy Monday

They searched all night --- we were never found.

This is the story of The Hare Who Lost His Spectacles!

Too many lives each cat can lose ---

Too many questions --- but there are answers too few.

Up, ride the kelpie. I'll steal your soul to the deep.

We crossed through fields of midnight green

Well, the fly's in the milk and the cat's in the stew

We'll wait in stone circles, til the force comes through.

We occasionally cut his fingernails off and smoke them.

We stole the screams from out their mouths... I. Anderson

Why does this world seem like the darkest endless night?

Yet, you say that milk and honey's just round the bend.

You always pick the best time to rise to the fight.

You're never too old to rock and roll . . .

You've paid the piper and called the tune. . . - I.A.

Flute-playing Scottish fish farmers rule OK!

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If you enjoyed this page, you will probably enjoy The Lair Of Fang-Face DreamWeaver and The Encyclopedia Michael Nellis at >www.angelfire.com/scifi/dreamweaver/index.html<


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created 8 January 2004
updated 31 January 2006

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